We alcoholics are quite good at that - I'm 4 years in - and while I don't think about drinking, I do have a healthy fear of relapse - knowing the substance can sneak back in and wreak havoc. I'm sorry to hear about this - and appreciative of the story - a reminder to me of the constant fight ahead. Hopeful this writing, too, is cathartic for you - Wishing you and your dad strength in the fight ahead.