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Is Empathy Magic?
I mean, it couldn’t hurt
Ok, so I’ve been reading Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten (Dr. Psych Mom) for a while now and have come to enjoy her work on a range of topics — mostly related to relationships. I told myself that the next time I read something that really resonated, I’d share it. Here goes:
In this piece, she suggests empathy is magic.
As she describes it, I pretty much agree.
Empathy is taking a moment to pause and consider another person’s feelings — maybe you don’t feel EXACTLY what they are feeling, but you can relate because you’ve had a similar feeling at a different time or in a different situation.
Dr. Psych Mom explains:
Here is how it works. You must truly, 100% be committed to seeing your partner’s perspective. You have to think of a time when you felt like they did, and use that memory to help you understand their emotions. You may say, especially if you tend to be avoidant, that you have never felt as upset as your partner does. But, have you ever felt upset at all? Surely.
Simple, right?
Well, not really.
But it can be done.
Using the blueprint of attempting to place yourself in a similar feeling state and then to articulate those feelings in conversation — that can go a long way toward building a bridge with someone.
It opens a door — I can tell you are really upset (thinks about time you’ve also been really upset), I’m sorry you feel that way because of X.
The key, it seems, is NOT to focus BACK on you — but to use your own experience to create a similar state of feeling with the person you’re talking with.
Sometimes, that person just needs to know you understand — even a little bit — what they are feeling.
Often, they just need someone to listen — to just BE there and feel with them.
That’s it.
It really can be both simple and magical.
