I would agree - an affair is a betrayal. It is dishonest - it is disrespecting your marriage agreement. When you give less than your best, you are also disrespecting yourself.

It's also disrespectful to the AP - no matter that they are "ok" with it - you are also offering them less than your best you.

I think sometimes, in marriages where there are problems, an affair opportunity happens and is seized - this only creates a different problem. Plus, I would suspect that there are some feelings of discomfort/dissonance once you enter an affair - again, hurting yourself rather than healing.

Thank you for your perspective.