I recall a time I felt like this - a time when I'd drift to sleep aided by alcohol and hope to not wake up - mornings when the alarm would sound and I'd be disappointed . . . staying in the dark until the last possible minute - a sip of alcohol to start the day, to numb the pain. I'm glad those days are behind me - and I thank you for sharing your story - when we hear that others have these feelings, we can know we are not alone - that is often a first step toward healing.